Notices From Church Bulletins

Notices From Church Bulletins

These are supposed to be actual notices that appeared in church bulletins...

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 pm. Please use large double door at the side entrance. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary...

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child. On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD. Dr. Frucht is better.

The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir. Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow. Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.

The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

Stewardship Offertory Hymn: "Jesus Paid It All" Ushers will eat latecomers.

Evening massage - 6 p.m. The Rev. Bland spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church. The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A.B. Fellows supplied our pulpit.

The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the back door.

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy." Due to the Pastor's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 pm. Please use large double door at the side entrance.	Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary...
Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.	On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD. Dr. Frucht is better.
The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.	Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.	8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.	Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.	The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.	The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
Stewardship Offertory Hymn: "Jesus Paid It All"	Ushers will eat latecomers.
Evening massage - 6 p.m.	The Rev. Bland spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.	The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.	During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A.B. Fellows supplied our pulpit.
The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.	Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the back door.
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."	Due to the Pastor's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.	For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.